Whilst research shows clearly that we are all attracted to different people and have different types, I would suggest that when online dating on a great site like JDate.co.uk, that you do not spend weeks emailing someone with no plan to meet up. This is especially important if you find yourself conversing with someone from another Country. As JDate.co.uk is global you might strike up an online relationship with someone from America or Israel or anywhere really.

A friend of mine conducted a 3 month relationship with someone he met online, he was convinced she was the girl of his dreams. After 3 months he decided to spend the money and time and visit her in America. They had done all the modern online flirtations, facebook, instant messages, video chats and even sent each other gifts. Within the first hour after landing and sitting in a restaurant exchanging glances and telling each other how amazing it was to meet at last, he felt a crippling sense of buyer’s remorse. Something just did not gel in person. He was not attracted to her. She was somehow different in person. He spent a pleasant few days in America and returned home sat next to a crying baby at the back of a 747 depressed and frustrated.

Recent research from Eli Finkel, an associate professor of psychology at Northwestern University agreed when looking at studies, that internet dating is valuable in introducing people however there is no subsititute for finally meeting up. “There’s no better way to figure out whether you’re compatible with somebody than talking to them over a cup of coffee or a pint of beer,” Finkel said.

The thing about long distance relationships is that it can take longer to meet up, so proceed with caution and do work out a way to meet as soon as you practically can if you really believe there might be a future. So here are 5 tips if you are entering into a long distance online liaison:

1. Try to meet up as soon as you can so you really know how your chemistry works or does not work in person. Also people do look different even if you have video chatted and sent pictures. They may look beautiful on their facebook page but a red headed beauty might look more akin to Elmo in real life!
2. Video chats are better than texting or emails. Make sure when you do chat you have the time and are not distracted, there is nothing worse than having a chat with someone whilst their flat mate is trying to get a cheeky look at you from behind their shoulder
3. Have an end goal, are you both interested in a committed relationship, if one of you is just interested in some fun, it may be a lot of effort so have discussions about what you are after and if either of you would ever relocate.
4. Do things together. Just because you are not physically together does not mean in this age of internet calling you can’t watch a movie at the same time, play games online or on your phones. I dated a girl recently who happened to love online gaming and we used to chat and play xbox every night and it was brilliant fun in between the times we could not meet as she lived outside of London.  We used to keep score and bet on who would get more points, the loser having to be a slave for the day when we met up!
5. Keep your expectations in check. After weeks of not seeing each other, there will be a tendency to have told each other hundreds of times, “I can’t wait to see you!” Often when you do finally meet in person, it can initially be anti-climactic if one of you does not seem so overwhelmed with joy and excitement and that can come off as unappreciative or aloof, when in fact it is probably just nerves.

So don’t be put off, it is hard but many people find love internationally these days – just remember not to rush into things when you don’t really know someone, slow is smooth and smooth is fast!

Good luck!

Dr. Mark Silvert is a Jewish psychiatrist  in London. He studied at Harvard Medical School and has an interest in social psychology. Dr. Mark has written for many magazines and won writing awards in Great Britain. He loves to clear his head by flying small planes and taking care of his dog Mr. Bailey.

You can follow Mark on Twitter at @marksilvert or on Facebook at facebook.com/markssilvert

Research from the 1100 adults across the US that participated in the study concluded that “Couples who take time to vacation alone together at least once each year report happier, healthier relationships overall compared to those who do not travel as couples,”

Short getaways make great gifts

The study uncovered that almost two-thirds of all couples would prefer a short getaway with their partner over receiving a gift, with a measly 15% of respondents reporting that receiving jewelry helped improve romance in their relationship.  Even just a night or two away can rekindle the romance in a relationship and can really help couples reconnect with each other.

Spend time alone together

Get away from it all, spend time alone together.  Leave work, family, children and everything else behind and focus on each other.  72% of couples that travel alone together believe that travel inspired romance in their relationship.  In fact, over 8 out 10 couples that travel alone as a couple stated that the romance was still very much alive in their relationship.

More travel=More fulfilling sex

Those couples that travel together have a more fulfilling sex life than couples that don’t.  1 in every 4 couples stated that their sex life had improved since travelling and for 40% of respondents their sex life was changed for the better on a permanent basis after getting away with their partner.

Trips together improve intimacy

The vast majority of couples who spend time on getaways together have more time for intimacy even when they return from their holiday.  59% of couples believe that creating more intimacy is one of the main reasons to go on holiday in the first place.  Almost 1 in 4 couples that did not go away together in the past year reported not to have enough time for intimacy or sex.

We’ve all known it for a while but this research really brings to light just how important taking a break from our daily lives can be.  The effect of spending all our time working and going through the daily grind really impacts our emotional and physical relationships. Travel is as good as a cure for everyone so make sure to take a break with a loved one and watch your relationship blossom or if you’re single go on a Jewish singles holiday where relaxation and a break from the norm could even help you meet that special someone.

As one of what seems to be a fast dwindling group of Jewish singles, don’t let the thought of a friend’s wedding send you into hibernation. Wipe off those sweating palms and get to planning. Look at this as an opportunity, with some handy tips for wedding survival.

Plan in advance. How close are you to the bride and/or groom? Ask them for a list of other singles attending a month or so before the wedding. Check those people out online and try to find some with common interests. Email them a few weeks before the wedding and introduce yourself. That way, by the time you get to the wedding, you’ll already have connections made with other singles so you won’t feel so alone. Think of how flattered you’d be if someone looked you up hoping to meet you at the wedding.

 Get seat smart. Ask the bride and groom to seat you at a table with others you know, a group of friends perhaps, so you’ll feel more comfortable, or ask to be seated at an all singles table. That way, there’s no awkwardness and you won’t feel like a ninth wheel.

Partner up. Find a fun friend who you enjoy spending time with and bring them along as your plus one. While going alone isn’t awful, why not make the most of the celebration and have a good time with someone you like to hang out with? This will liven up your time and give you the edge in attracting potential suitors, as people naturally gravitate to others who are having a good time.

Open bar abuse is not attractive. Sure it’s a wedding, and yes, the alcohol is free. But just because you can drink as much as you want doesn’t mean you should. A couple drinks helps loosen you up and puts a more celebratory glow on the wedding, but an entire bottle of wine can just make you look foolish. There’s nothing less attractive than someone slurring their words as they grab the microphone to wish the bride and groom well, let alone passing out behind the bar.

The most important thing to remember is that you’re there to support someone you care about. Look at the wedding as a positive experience, and try to take that in with you and you’ll radiate positive energy, which is always attractive.

In October of 2010, Jamie decided he’d had enough of JDate and was about to remove his profile from the site. Lauren, on the other hand, had just come out of a four-year relationship and thought she would give JDate a try and see what happens. These two very contrasting situations were about to create the start of something very special.

On the very first night Lauren joined JDate, and Jamie’s last night as a subscriber, the two found each other and started to chat. Needless to say, Jamie did not remove his profile from the site and Lauren may have gotten more than she bargained for on her first night as a JDate subscriber! There was an instant connection that was obvious, even through online chatting, and this led to a week or two of getting to know each other through emails. The emails turned into telephone conversations that lasted for hours every evening, and not once was there an awkward moment of silence. Their conversations were filled with laughter and an interest to learn more and more about each other. Lauren and Jamie’s first date eventually came along and it was simply a continuation of their telephone conversations. They met for a drink that lasted hours – the evening was filled with laughter and intrigue, and there was an obvious and strong connection.

It must have been the next day or two when their second date came around and it was clear to both of them that this was something very, very special. They fell in love instantly; after six months of dating they went on their first holiday together to Malta (with friends and family advising them that going on holiday is the real test of any relationship). When they returned from Malta, both Lauren and Jamie knew – without any doubt – they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, although at that time neither one of them knew the other felt exactly the same way.

In August of 2011, with the help of Lauren’s sisters, Jamie surprised Lauren with a romantic proposal in the park, including a picnic of all of Lauren’s favorite foods and, of course, champagne. In the months that followed, they moved into their own home and began planning their life together.

In November of 2012, with all of their friends and family around them, Lauren and Jamie married at the Landmark Hotel in London – JDate even got a mention in the groom’s speech!

In May of 2013, Lauren and Jamie will have been married for six months – and they couldn’t be happier. When asked if they had any advice or tips for the members of JDate, their response was simply, “Be honest, be yourself and don’t force anything; it might not work for everyone, but it could work for you!”

Lauren and Jamie
Bushey, England

New research out just this March reveals a lot about the nature of us Brits. It appears that our reputation of being reserved and antisocial is well deserved.  We appear to have a very unsociable streak when it comes to sharing public spaces with 41% of the two thousand interviewees admitting that they would leave a public bench within five minutes if a stranger sat down next to them.  Even more peculiar is that 50% of people said they would only sit down on a bench if it was entirely unoccupied.  The UK is home to millions of park benches and yet a reluctance to sit on them seems commonplace.

“Once we sit down, it seems that bench is ours and anyone who tries to share it can be seen as an invader. That feeling is very strong for some people even if the other person sits at the end of the bench and doesn’t say a word.”

32% of the nation admit to never starting a conversation with a person sitting next to them in a public space.  Perhaps it’s our parents preaching ‘stranger danger’ to us as children that has created the feeling that anyone who talks to us must be deranged!

But if this truly is the case then what hope is there for Jewish singles looking to meet someone?

Statistics also show a rise in the use of online dating sites and thankfully so, since our wariness to talk to strangers in a public sphere makes meeting new people incredibly challenging.    An online Jewish dating site seems to create a much needed feeling of security for its users.  Jewish singles seem to feel less exposed and less uneasy talking to people online and many more new connections are established online every day.

Singles are clearly enjoying the benefits of looking for love online as opposed to a chance meeting at a pub, party or even a park bench.  Firstly, online dating puts you in control.  You have time to think about what you are going to say before you say it.  You can spend as much time as you like preparing an instant message or an email before you send it so you don’t have to think on your feet.  You can certainly present the best of yourself.  The self-consciousness often felt when meeting someone randomly just isn’t there online.  Online dating gives you the luxury of making sure your hair’s in place, that there’s no food in between your teeth and you can focus on what really matters; learning about each other, finding common ground and establishing a deep, meaningful connection.

So whilst we can all still go out on those occasional sunny days and enjoy a book or a sandwich on a park bench it appears that the best way to get chatting and form connections with someone new is from the comfort of our own homes and offices, on a Jewish dating site!

In this case the one to be annoyed would be me however…

It was at about half past eight that my date finally decided to show himself. A half hour late was even worse than my worst lateness up to then. He was still talking on his phone when he arrived.

Ok, so let me just make this a bit better for him because we don’t want to make him look like a complete idiot, now do we? In fact, he had warned me that he might be late as he had an important call with the US that he’d have to be on at 7pm and that it could run over the allotted time. Also, he had complied very nicely with my request that he choose a restaurant that was local to me as I would have the nanny waiting that evening. Remembering that we both had a love of sushi from the conversation on the first time we’d met, he’d chosen a very nice Japanese restaurant that was actually close walking distance from my flat. I also knew that he was, in fact, a high powered executive in a pretty well-known company. So I could accept that important phone calls were important and that I would have to wait a bit for him to grace me with his presence.

However, despite that logic going through my head at that particular moment, seeing him arrive mobile phone in hand and a half hour late, there was another emotion brewing that was not happiness at seeing him. In fact, our hero (or anti-hero, if you prefer) looked incredibly dashing in his dark suit, looking a bit like a 40 something top executive would look – if found on the cover of a romance novel that is. My anger almost dissipated just at that sight. Almost.

Rather than greeting me, he somewhat smiled and put up his hand to indicate 5 more minutes. I waited patiently, still somewhat stewing. In fact it was ten minutes before he finally got off the phone, but who’s counting. Once off, he politely stood up to finally kiss me hello and apologized for the call and being delayed. Well, the apology did help a bit.

Conversation began after that and was actually quite good as we agreed what to order: “whatever I wanted” (how could I not like that?) and continued for at least a half hour until his phone rang. “I’m terribly sorry, but I really must take this…” he said as he picked up the phone and proceeded to walk out to somewhere quieter. I was left alone for another fifteen minutes. By then, I was already not a very happy girl. The food arrived and I politely waited for him to come back, though I debated in my mind whether perhaps I should just eat the first platter myself just to make him pay for leaving me on my own during so much of the date.

“I’m terribly sorry,” he said again upon returning. “That was regarding a very important client and there were some issues that I had to take care of.” It was past 9pm by then, but I had already figured out that the client in question was in the US. “You’ve been very patient. I appreciate it. That was very kind of you to wait for me to eat, but please don’t worry and just eat the next time I have to take a call”. Did he say the next time? Does that mean that there would be a next time? This was only date number 2! I began to imagine what life married to this man must have been like and began to feel sympathy for the ex-wife…

The conversation resumed once again and my initial annoyance had almost subsided when the text messaging parade began. Initially, he had put his phone sort of out of eyesight, but took it up again with the first text message arrived and answered quickly. We continued in the same vein for the rest of the date.

No first, let me preface: I am a pretty patient person, especially when it comes to Senior Executives of big companies who look as if they’ve walked off the cover of a romance novel, but there is only so much even I could take. So I, inadvertently, said something to display my annoyance just as we were parting and ended the date a bit abruptly.

Ok, so I did feel a bit bad afterwards. Ok may I felt really bad when I realised that I’d probably screwed up my chances with this guy who, on paper at least, seemed like by far the best catch so far. My one consolation: my pride intact. Oh and then there was the fact that I wouldn’t be going out with someone who spent almost as much time with me doing work as concentrating on me. Well, I was hoping that would console me anyway…

Tune in to the next instalment in May to find out if there’s anything more from Bachelor number five. And then there’s Bachelor number ten. Hmm, now this could get interesting…

The JDiaries are brought to you by The Dating Divorcee, a writer and blogger currently based in London. Follow her on Twitter: @dating_divorcee and on her blog, www.datingdivorceediary.com

I joined JDate. As I was looking through my matches, I happened to click on my now fiance’s picture. In a sense, I found him. The next day, I received a message from him with the great pick-up line of, “Do you know my cousin Lauren? She went to your high school.” Debating whether or not I should respond, I went for it! While that wasn’t the best pick-up line I have heard in my day, it was a sentence that would change my life for the better.

We talked on JDate for many weeks, and then finally exchanged numbers. I was still in Florida and Eric was in Houston. Finally, we took the leap to Skype. The first time we saw each other face-to-face via Skype, it was truly love at first sight. We both could not stop smiling, and I knew that this was real and something special.

I finally told my parents I needed to book a flight to come home and see Eric in person. We arranged the trip home, and of course, that weekend in Houston there was a freeze alert. Texas? A freeze alert? I was nervous I was not going to be able to make the trip home because unlike states in the north, Texas does not know how to react to freeze alerts! Give us a hurricane and we will be prepared, but a freeze alert… we become dumbfounded!

I managed to make it home, and was planning to go on my first date with Eric that Friday night. Eric picked me up from my parent’s house that night. Talk about putting the man under pressure! Not only was I meeting him for the first time, but he had to meet my parents that night as well.

The first date was amazing, and is a memory I will cherish forever. I will never forget how my mom talked to me later that night and said she could see me marrying him one day. Truly a Jewish mother’s wise words… she turned out right! Fast forward two years, we got engaged!

Eric and I got engaged on February 23, 2013. It was a fairytale proposal. We are both Disney fanatics, and we have even dressed up as the Little Mermaid and Prince Eric for Halloween. We have made numerous trips to the Disney theme park, and Disney happened to be the first place where Eric told me he loved me. Disney holds a special place in our hearts.

Unfortunately, we could not go to Disney for our recent proposal, so Eric brought Disney to me. He proposed to me at the Disney Store! The Little Mermaid’s “Kiss the Girl” song was playing, when Eric began to propose to me. Before I knew it, he was down on one knee.

Here we are today, thanks to JDate, I have truly found my prince! This was the best decision I have ever made!

Meryl and Eric
Houston, Texas

“Which part of your independence would you be willing to give up for a partner?”

JDaters were given a series of multiple choice answers to choose from:

- I would be willing to leave my home country.

- I would be willing to leave my job.

- I would give up having children.

- I would change my religion.

- My partner would accept me as I am so I would not have to give up anything.

The responses from the majority both in Israel and the UK seem to demonstrate just how highly Jewish singles value their independence and individuality. An overwhelming 61% of Jewish females in the UK and 73% of Jewish females in Israel answered that their “partner would accept me as I am, so I would not to give up anything.” The same trend goes for men as 55% in the UK and 67% in Israel choose the same answer. So it looks like both Israeli and British Jewish singles are looking to be in relationships where they don’t have to compromise who they are to be happy.

The one area where Jewish singles showed a willingness  to compromise is where they live.  Some 36% of Jewish men in the UK responded  that they would be willing to leave the UK for the right partner. Similarly, 35% of females in the UK said they would be willing to leave their home country.  Israelis also showed the same readiness to relocate for the sake of a relationship.  The results indicate that Jewish singles are more likely to move country for a partner than give up their religion, job or their choice to have children.

The survey also shows that age plays a determining factor on a single’s willingness to compromise.  Younger people showed more readiness to make changes in their lives for the sake of a relationship and people in older age brackets showed less enthusiasm about making compromises.

So, what do all these stats say about Jewish singles in 2013 on Israel’s 65^th birthday? Well, you are definitely a strong, independent bunch . We want to applaud you for putting such a high importance on sticking to your dreams and goals. We also learned that Jewish singles are ready to take risks and venture to new lands in the name of love. We hope this insight into the minds of JDaters helps you as you search for your match. But in the meantime, fill up those pitas with hummus and falafel, turn up the Shlomo Artsi and celebrate Israel’s Independence Day!

Happy Holiday from JDate.co.uk!

There has been a steady increase in pet ownership since 2006 amongst singles, particularly single men.  A 2013 study reveals singles that have never been married or have recently experienced a break up are turning to animals for a sense of love and security.

Brits really are a nation of animals lovers and the statistics seem to reflect how much so.  Clearly we get a lot of satisfaction and comfort from our pets but there are health benefits too.  Although it was once thought that “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” new evidence shows that having a pet can have the same effect.  Pets are truly positive influences on our lives, offering us unique emotional, psychological as well as physical health benefits.  They decrease stress, the risk of heart attacks and increase social skills and boost immunity.

Jewish singles with pets can also offer a great deal to a partner on the Jewish dating scene.  Pet owners tend to be responsible, caring and able to give more emotionally.  They have an ability to give and show love more easily and have already demonstrated ability to commit- and who on the UK Jewish dating scene doesn’t like commitment?

Whilst pet ownership is still more common for families, pet ownership among single people keeps on going up, an increase of over 17% for those divorced, widowed or separated and a 27.7% rise in pet ownership for single men.

So even if you your self are not an animal lover, meeting a person with a pet can really be a big plus.  What could be better than a long walk outdoors with a loved one and their puppy!

This one I met at my local Starbucks in between meetings. I’d already decided that fitting personal coffees in between meetings was by far the best way to avoid making too much of a big deal out of it if it was a disappointment. It also helped me look at it as just another coffee meeting that day, which definitely made it seem that much better. Anyway, none of that caution was necessary for number 5. Do you remember that 90’s film with that memorable line by a robot, “number 5 is alive”? Well, this was definitely true for number 5 in my case!

The minute this very handsome and tall dark-haired man walked into Starbucks, I looked up and right at him. Whether he’d been the man I’d been expecting or not, I couldn’t help but look up at his dreamy brown eyes and smile. Luckily, he was, in fact, who I’d been waiting for (in more ways than one). Number 5 knocked me off my feet! Quite literally, in fact, as I almost fell over and tripped right into his arms when I got up to say hello, trying to go for a handshake but ending up almost at a kiss. This was definitely a good sign.

Not only was Bachelor number five especially attractive, the right amount of years older than I was, a divorced single dad (my preference), and very physically fit, but he also was charming, well-spoken, well-educated, and really rather sexy. In fact, the chemistry between us was evident immediately (and probably not to just us). He kept inching his chair closer towards me, breaking the respectable distance that I usually tried hard to maintain on the first date but which even I now wanted him to rupture.

There was no way that Bachelors numbered six, seven, eight, or nine (who came shortly after I’d met number five) had any chance at all. Number ten, however, was another story. But that’s a story for another month…

In this month, it was all about Bachelor number five, who I was definitely planning to see again, and again, and again, and again… Well, if he wanted to anyway…

Tune in to the next instalment in April to find out more about Bachelor number five and if I manage to see him again. And then there’s Bachelor number ten. Hmm, now this could get interesting…

The JDiaries are brought to you by The Dating Divorcee, a writer and blogger currently based in London. Follow her on Twitter: @dating_divorcee and on her blog, www.datingdivorceediary.com